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Thread: thought provoking

  1. #1
    Join Date
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    thought provoking

    I was talking to my aunt (lives in Belize) a couple days ago and I mentioned that we're scrambling trying to figure out who can stay with our daughter since I'm planning a trip out of the country and her dad also travels for work. We need someone who has a valid DL to take her to school and extra curricular activities etc., History: there are no other family members here in Florida.

    We have a friend who we've used in the past that we trust, we've travelled together, and my daughter loves - but she's a teacher so she's not available during the day when we need a driver.

    Anyway, I mentioned that out of my available cousins who due to their jobs can take a week or two off, the most viable is a cousin who happens to be a male. he has visited us several times and my daughter feels comfortable around him and likes him - she says he's funny. BTW, he's gay (saying this to justify my surprise later).

    When I mentioned that I'm leaning with flying in the cousin during that time period - my aunt asked if I felt comfortable. Her question caught me totally off guard so I asked her why and her response is: well he's a guy. My automatic response was - he's gay. But after chit chatting for a few I was kinda angry that there's this distrust in the psyche now that we question everyone and everything. I know it's valid given the way the world operates now-a-days but yikes it's like we automatically distrust even when there's no cause.

    Then I felt bad for both of them - my aunt and cousin that (a) he's being judged because of his gender and (b) that my aunt has this automatic distrust. And NO, there's no reason for it other than "she's a young lady you have to be careful". Which heavens knows as an only child with the parents she have - she's tagged and heavily supervised for the precious being she is.

    BTW, our home is wired with webcams inside/outside with continuous feed via the internet and recordable which may be an added factor in my sense of safety.

    Anyway, given the circumstances, is it something you would have asked automatically? Because of the mixed gender is this a normal reaction? With family members - even if you know and trust them would you have qualms about having a female babysit your male children or vice versa?
    Success is Journey... not a Destination

  2. #2
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    I'm not a parent, but I've heard this with other parents. Some people at work wouldn't even let their female child sit on their father's lap. I'm not sure what I think. I can understand the concern, but its sad.
    I think your daughter is old enough to sound an alarm should anything happen that she is uncomfortable with.
    Don't start none, won't be none!

  3. #3
    zenflower Guest
    Girl I don't blame your aunt for asking. We live in a crazy mixed up world where anything can happen, and it's always the people you would least expect. Look at the pastors (Eddie Long prime example), and all the hundreds if not thousands of Catholic Priests that molested those kids, teachers, P.E coachs, celebrities, polititians and many other prominent people you wouldn't ever expect to be engaging in sex with a minor. And Im not saying every adult male is expected to behave that way because its NOT all, but you would have to be very trusting or naive to not let the thought even cross your mind for a second when leaving your daughter in the care of anyone other than a parent. The reason we get sudden thoughts in our minds is to allow our instinct to guide us to make the decision thats best for you. And besides, your aunt lives in Belize where a man would hop a fence to screw a dog, muchless a child, lol... So don't blame her for thinking that way because it's in the news every day almost. Now I dont know if I've ever heard of a case where a gay man ever raped a young girl unless he is known to be bi-sexual. If he's not, then thats probably as safe as you can get, lol...

  4. #4
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    LOL @ man jump the fence to screw a dog.... sad but true.

    Empress - I heard the same thing about mom not letting the daughter sit on daddy's lap or curl up with them. But mein, I think society is making some folks go too far in terms of propriety (sp)
    One time this topic came up re: interaction between dad/daughter or stepdad/daughterand another woman said.... "well it's how it look man. Ie nuh look good. " ayeee.

    Well for now my thought is to have both at the house on the days when both parents are gone. I'm weighing whether i should pull my daughter out for a week and take her since the experience would be awesome for her. But, with school just starting and her class schedule this may not be a good time to do that. More than likely, I'll fly my cousin in and have my friend stay there too.
    Success is Journey... not a Destination

  5. #5
    TheDon Guest
    Trust is a major factor in any given situation these days, but life must still go on. I personally would not let my child (weather boy or girl) stay with just one person and more over a male family member. Over the years the stories i have heard of child molestation and cases of the sort have 90% been committed by males.

  6. #6
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    If any me ooman try tell me my lil girl or boy can't sit on me lap or on me shoulders or any such silieness she'd be kicked to da crub right then.

  7. #7
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    How old is your daughter? And this cousin? Ask yourself if it was a young boy and a female cousin, would that be fine?

    And why you planning trips out the country, while yuh husband deh pon business and yuh pickney deh home? Stay yuh rass home! You driff bout to much! Weh kinda ting this? Spouses should take trips together.

    And finally, why fi unnu house wired suh much with webcam? Unnu di sex-cam pon di net?
    Friend us on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/belizeans
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  8. #8
    zenflower Guest
    Surfa came with the right questions that had me cracking up.

  9. #9
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    Don't start none, won't be none!

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by belizean View Post
    And finally, why fi unnu house wired suh much with webcam? Unnu di sex-cam pon di net?
    Perhaps I can answer that. Bzegirl is smart and to her credit she is doing what any sensible person should do especially when they feed the public with personal information pertaining to their travel intinerary via Twitter (Belizeans.com). She is informing us that she has all her bases covered, so don't think for a moment you can take advantage of the situation.

    But then again I could be mistaken and it's just that she lives in one of the top 50 zip codes in America and that kinda security is the standard for luxurious homes at her location.
    Enjoy The Silence.



  11. #11
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    Well surfa ask some of the very questions i was going to ask her. Its all about planning Bzegirl, when you have kids you live for them. You have to change your life completely for them. I remember passing up dating this girl because i know my daughter did not like her, and she was at that age where it would affect her even though it was my life. With the FCAT it would not be wise o take her out of school for a week.
    Don't cry because it's over.. .Smile because it happened.

  12. #12
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    This a bit off subject, but my kids grown so ah gots cameras only on the outside the house and that's for for security purposes. But if we had that technology back when me chrirren lilttle, i might have it indoors to be able to see who is doing what. Not as teenagers, I'm talking about lil kids - got to be careful these days. So I can see where that makes sense.

    One me buddies got two lil girls that like to talk on internet. he got "administrative rights" they don't know about so he can see exactly anything they do on internet, right down to every keystroke. I applaud him for protecting them.

  13. #13
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    Well you done know ah di stick wid Surfa....do not leave that girl with anyone yer? skipping some leaning is better that a hard surprise...gial yu too strupid, don't trust anyone with your young daughter...what do you know about the cousin, not much.
    Love is a many splendid thing and food run a close second.

  14. #14
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    Oh mein, I thank god for grandmothers everyday of my life. Thank you Jesus! And not having a daughter make it even more difficult to imagine what i would do. As a child growing up, whenever my mom would go to the states for short period of time, the only other person who would take care of me was my grandmother or aunt.
    The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not PROTECT you...

  15. #15
    zenflower Guest
    Yes, I agree DB thank God for grandmothers. My granny was a lifesaver for me too when I was little growing up in a big city when my mother was working long hours. Granny always had some delicious hot meals waiting for me when I got home from school while most other kids had to go home to a bowl of cereal and had to stay home alone until late in the evenings. Those days seem long gone for kids in this generation because everyone seems so unavailable. Families seem to be more spread out and communication is mostly through texting and online. Im so thankful for those times, and I try to share that same nurturing I rec'd then with my kids.

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