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Thread: In case you're wondering?

  1. #31
    zenflower Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by bzegirl View Post
    Did all the kids have the same dad? If not, did your father cause your mom a lot of pain or did her wrong OG? That may explain why she picked on you more than your siblings.

    Do you still get angry when you think about all that your mom allegedly did to you? Maybe you're not really over it after all these years? Just thinking about your comments that because of what you went through caused you not to want to have children. That's a huge choice to have made.
    Bzegirl, I notice you like to use the word "allegedly", and it's ok to use that word when it applys to something you get from the media because the story is usually passed down from one source to the next, and it means when something cannot be proven or perhaps may not even be a fact, so it's just a way for reporters to protect themselves. But this poor guy is telling us what he's been through and I doubt that he would make it all up. Try to be a little more sensative.

    Ok, just don't come trying to bite off my fingers now cause I know how you like to bite, lol...

  2. #32
    OGTerror Guest
    Yes, the 3 of us are from the same father. I don't know if my father harmed her in anyway, I was only 3 years old when my father was brutally murdered. One fact though, is that people often said how much I resembled my father. My mother would make faces when responding, "yeah I know, just as ugly", then looked at me and gave me the "evil look". I just bowed my head down and held my tears back and any other emotions that would give her a reason to hit me.

    Yes it still hurts when those painful memories flash through my mind without warning. Before, yes I did get angry and that's when that torturing voice repeatedly echoed, ((((((((it will be OK just end your life, no more pain, no more worries come on just end it, you don't have to suffer anymore))))))))
    But not any more.

    I was 25 when I almost made the mistake of hitting one of my friends little boy who was being obnoctious and unruly. Don't know how I stop myself and stormed out of his house, locked myself in my car and inexplicably started sobbing uncontrollably. Two weeks later after concluding that I would probably use the same method of discipline used on me to discipline my own children, I made the, still unregrettable, decision to never procreate.

  3. #33
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Orlando, Fl
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    7,594
    Quote Originally Posted by zenflower View Post
    Bzegirl, I notice you like to use the word "allegedly", and it's ok to use that word when it applys to something you get from the media because the story is usually passed down from one source to the next, and it means when something cannot be proven or perhaps may not even be a fact, so it's just a way for reporters to protect themselves. But this poor guy is telling us what he's been through and I doubt that he would make it all up. Try to be a little more sensative.

    Ok, just don't come trying to bite off my fingers now cause I know how you like to bite, lol...
    oh lawd Zen, yu done gane mess wid scratch coco hahahahahhahaha..di like to be legal hahahahah and nuh ask bout A personality ahahahahahah
    Love is a many splendid thing and food run a close second.

  4. #34
    zenflower Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by OGTerror View Post
    Yes, the 3 of us are from the same father. I don't know if my father harmed her in anyway, I was only 3 years old when my father was brutally murdered. One fact though, is that people often said how much I resembled my father. My mother would makes faces when responding, "yeah I know, just as ugly", then looked at me and gave me the "evil look". I just bowed my head down and held my tears back and any other emotions that would give her a reason to hit me.

    Yes it still hurts when those painful memories flash through my mind without warning. Before, yes I did get angry and that's when that torturing voice repeated echoed, ((((((((it will be OK just end your life, no more pain, no more worries come on just end it, you don't have to suffer anymore))))))))
    But not any more.

    I was 25 when I almost made the mistake of hitting one of my friends little boy who was being obnoctious and unruly. Don't know how I stop myself and stormed out of his house, locked myself in my car and inexplicably started sobbing uncontrollably. Two weeks later after concluding that I would probably use the same method of discipline on my own children, I made the, still unregrettable, decision to never procreate.
    OG, Im just curious.... was it determined who murdered your father? Cause with all your moms rage and violence towards you, and the way you reminded her of him, Im just wondering if she was the murderer??????

  5. #35
    OGTerror Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by zenflower View Post
    OG, I can only imagine the nightmare you experienced by your mother when you were younger, and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do about her. But it seems like the memory of her abuse still haunts you, and that can be damaging. So long as the fear, anger, and hurt lingers inside, the more she still maintains the power. Sometimes the best way to reclaim your power and break the spell is to face your abuser and let them know that they are powerless, and that what she did to you was not anything you caused, but it has to do with her own problems.

    Somehow, I have a feeling that your mother is living with a lot of burden and guilt behind the stuff that she did to you. And if you ever decide to meet her face to face she might just break down crying and may apologize for the terrible way she treated you. This might bring some healing to the both of you, but I know that might be a hard decision for you to make considering the circumstances.
    Food for thought, but you just have no idea.

  6. #36
    OGTerror Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by zenflower View Post
    OG, Im just curious.... was it determined who murdered your father? Cause with all your moms rage and violence towards you, and the way you reminded her of him, Im just wondering if she was the murderer??????
    Their murders still remain a mistery, but you know everything is possible. Did you read my post btw?
    http://www.belizeans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24254

  7. #37
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Orlando, Fl
    Posts
    7,594
    Most abused children grow up to be abusers themselves. Then there is that percent and I don't really know what percent. ..that become very succesful in life and never abuse their children but give them the love and care they were denied, and in doing that, they channel all that negative energy into something good.

    They have found a way to end their torture. It is a very hard task to accomplish but is very doable. Some find the strenght to do it themselves and others need help.

    One way is to talk to yourself, sounds crazy but you are really more than one person within yourself....you have many personalities, just like God lol. You always have that small child within you, the one that still cries until you make it feel better and only you know how to do that....one way is to face the demons in your mind or other wise.

    A person, all by themselves, Possesses a tremendous amount of power, believe it or not. Once you realize that, no one can have an effect on you, unless you give them permission...

    Access denied!!!
    Love is a many splendid thing and food run a close second.

  8. #38
    OGTerror Guest
    ^ Well said.

    I was finally able to see the light through that dark tunnel. I believe that's the reason I'm so obsessed with lights. Also pay attention to the work I do in construction and look at all the lights I've installed. Light really gave meaning to life.

    The graphics on my truck. I didn't want want to paint my truck after installing the fiber glass, so I decided to vinyl wrap it instead but wanted to create a graphic that encompassed my successes in life. So at the end of my final drawing the checkered flag was the winner. And that is what the checkered flag stand for, You are 1st, a winner.

    Hill climbing and triumphantly conquering the top of a mountain is my passion. Despite my child hood history I was able to climb that rough, and tough hill and finally reach the zenith of most of my goals.










  9. #39
    OGTerror Guest
    ^ Just like a kid with his toy as if I never played with toys before.
    Very true, often I worked hard to beat the time I was given to finish a task so I could have a couple of minutes to build me pretend to be toys made out of wood or trash so I could have something to play with. Now I enjoy every bit of it.

  10. #40
    zenflower Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by OGTerror View Post
    Their murders still remains a mistery, but you know everything is possible. Did you read my post btw?
    http://www.belizeans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24254
    Yes I remember reading your post when you first posted it, and it really got to me. But I went back an clicked on you link just now and came across that wonderful ducunu recipe and the photo of them in the pot, OMG. It was like I could almost smell and taste the corn, and now Im licking my lips, lol... I really wished you had posted a tamales recipe also because I know you could probably make some good ones :-). But I won't be selfish to ask that of you now because I know you have other things to deal with. But if you ever get some free time, I would love to have that tamales recipe, but take your time.

  11. #41
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Los Angeles,CA
    Posts
    2,578
    OG are u still in contact with Jessie and his daughters?
    Don't start none, won't be none!

  12. #42
    OGTerror Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by The Empress View Post
    OG are u still in contact with Jessie and his daughters?
    Jessie was another sort of abusive case. After he brought me here I think he though he brought a slave with him. He became my "finance manager" and every time I didn't comply with his demand of providing him with money he reminded me that I should not be ungrateful to him cause if it weren't for him I would've still been in hell, if it weren't for him I wouldn't have a job, if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have a roof over my head, if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have an education, etc, etc. He rubbed it in my face every opportunity he got. I couldn't take it anymore so I left. I became homeless for about 3 months until the fellow who hired me to do work on his rental homes found out that I was homeless and offered me his seller for me to live in for $250 a month. I still keep in touch with his daughters but not with Jessie since we had words exchanged with each other that hurt us both. Jessie is now serving a 6 year sentence for attempted murder about 2 yrs ago. Dunno the story behind the story but he is in the tank for stabbing one of his son-in-laws when the son-in-law tried to defend his wife, (Jessie's daughter) when Jessie attempted to hit her.

  13. #43
    OGTerror Guest
    Someone said, I don't know who, "FEAR is the thief of all dreams." On the road to recovery, "fear" was the first weight I unloaded off my back......

    And took the leap






  14. #44
    zenflower Guest
    Mein Leo, you could write a memoir about all the abuse you've gone through in your life, and you have all the "after" pictures to prove that you turned your life into something better, and came out a better person in the end. It seems that all the people in your life from the past were toxic, even down to the darn Jessie who I thought was the nice one in all this mess. Most people probably wouldn't be able to endure that much torture, but you are the rainbow at the end of the storm. Now I understand why you stay away.

  15. #45
    OGTerror Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by zenflower View Post
    Mein Leo, you could write a memoir about all the abuse you've gone through in your life, and you have all the "after" pictures to prove that you turned your life into something better, and came out a better person in the end. It seems that all the people in your life from the past were toxic, even down to the darn Jessie who I thought was the nice one in all this mess. Most people probably wouldn't be able to endure that much torture, but you are the rainbow at the end of the storm. Now I understand why you stay away.
    Thank you.

    I am now "the rainbow at the end of the storm."
    I like that. Can I use it? I promise not to plagiarize.

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